Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!"
There you go Lofty!
Come up north at your peril Alex!
No Linda Lovelace jokes please. For most of what passes here as Summer in the UK the country has been bisected by a bank of cloud stretching from the Bristol Channel to the Wash. Above that line vitamin D deficiency is once more on the increase although on a positive note the expense of designer sun-glasses is something we have been spared. Those in sunnier climes please spare a thought for us……
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."
"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Have "written" a guide as to how to upload an animated gif to the blog.
Click on the link and I look forward to seeing some of your work!
Try and keep up with the "Howeites"
Friday, September 25, 2009
Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I used to work as a labourer installing telephone cables near the site of this tower in the 1970s when it was part of a Royal Navy barracks. Now it rivals Sydney or Auckland harbours in the Antipodes. The weather today was great too.
If you give me a genie lamp like Alladin I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set.
We read that Thomas Edison made light but in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
If you let the dinosaur not be extinct we would not have a country. You did the right thing.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Were you aware that the U 50 was at Wilhelmshaven 2 March 1940?On route to Keil.
Dönitz awarded many of the crew that day with Iron Crosses. I have several photos of the event showing the school.
Thanks to all for the comments and interest shown
If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
Dear - God,
If - we - come - back - as - something - please - dont - let - me - be - Jennifer - Horton - because - I - hate - her.
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in The Bible.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
...but all's not quite gone yet...
It's still not clear to me how they are going to get rid of these when it's been proven cost-prohibitive to demolish them elsewhere.
At least what's left will be kept well maintained.
And there will always be this reminder.
I think about you sometimes even when I'm not praying.
I am American. What are you?
I bet it is very hard for you to love everybody in the whole world. There are only 4people in our family and I can never do it.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Watched the battle of Atlantic last night and with regard to the u-boats seen did either of you notice a bit of the main site in background?I may be wrong but have it on dvd which I will study. Supposed to be set in 1943 and onwards but I spotted several boats displaying their numerals.
Instead of letting people die and haveing to make new ones why don't you just keep the ones you got now?
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that OK?
In bible times did they really talk that fancy?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
WITH its motto “Swift and Secure”, the British Forces Post Office has been helping our forces across the world keep in touch with loved ones at home since the Peninsular Wars, more than 200 years ago.
But now its future is in peril because of a “mean-spirited” Government plan to save just £1.7million a year.
By September next year, the axe will have fallen on BFPO post centres at 10 British bases in Europe, including Portugal, Belgium and Gibraltar.
As well as ensuring troops stay in touch with friends and families, the BFPO system is essential for servicemen and women to keep up with financial or administrative affairs.
Many banks and lenders, including Marks & Spencer, refuse to send bank or credit card statements to addresses outside the UK unless they are BFPO. Open University literature and even postal election ballot papers will be hit.
Parents serving abroad who want to send their children to university in Britain have complained they may be classed as foreigners and forced to pay far higher tuition fees.
Even the cost of small luxuries such as weekly magazines will soar as subscribers find themselves paying foreign postage rates.
Last night one serving infantryman, who did not wish to be named, complained: “We have to fight for decent equipment, fight for decent housing and now this, it’s really the last straw.
“We’ve always relied on BFPO. It gives access to a safe and reliable system at UK prices no matter where you are in the world.”
Almost 15,000 people have already signed a petition on the Downing Street website (http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/SaveBFPO).
Saturday, September 19, 2009
1. Make sure you are in the "compose" window and not in EDIT Html
2. Paste the link address of the required web-site
3. Highlight the link address and click on LINK button on toolbar.
4. Small window will appear called Hyperlink showing the web address, click on OK
5. Left click in window to clear the highlighted address
6. Click Preview
7. Test the link by right clicking on it and choosing the "open in new tab"
8. If all well........Click on PUBLISH POST
I will now post a link to a web-site which is full of info regarding posting etc.
Friday, September 18, 2009
If these addresses don't work, please Google "mouse bungee jumping" and "extraordinary waterslide jumps"
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I love you. Do you love me?
Dear Mr Simes,
I am your wife. That school keeps you so busy that I haven't seen you for seven months. Will you be able to come home for Christmas? Please phone.
I am a lawyer, so your teachers need to be careful what they say to my son.
Dear Dear Sir,
Please could I apply for the Threshold Assessment to receive an enhanced salary.
GAS BILL - This is a final demand for the sum of £23,635.33.
To Whom It May Concern
Joe Bloggs is a fantastic teacher who would do better at your school than mine.
Dear Mr Slimes,
Welcome as a new teacher to this friendly local authority.
Sir, I have been your deputy for three years. Sir, when will you be moving on?
Dear Mrs Simes,
We would be pleased if you could join our School Knitting Circle.
I've never met you, but I feel I've known you for a long time.
Dear Reverend Professor,
I think you may have applied for the wrong post.
Dear Sir John,
Dear John Simes PhD MB ChB MA(Oxon) MSc(Cantab) Cert Ed MEd FRS
Thank you for your application, but I regret that you are under qualified for the post of primary school head teacher.
Dear Mr Simmes,
I am writeing to complane about my childs pore speling.
I am sorry, but ...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
The time came, his mother arrived and was shown into my office.
"Hello, Mr Simes. I wonder if you could countersign my passport application."
DO NOT KNOCK
... so she didn't and walked straight in.
Fifty years later she still comes out in a cold sweat when she thinks about this memorable occasion.
Mum: For more money in this full-time one.
Jessica: What's so important about money?
Mum: Well, it'll pay for the roof conversion, and the new kitchen extension, and your new wardrobes, and the new carpet ...
Jessica: Stop showing off.
"In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Syrup. Amen."
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Whilst I admire their resolve and competetiveness, can't say I'd fancy 10 months in one these!