Monday, January 31, 2011

For those of you who missed church on Sunday.......

....the minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
The third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
The fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service...










































=

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Please note: email address of sender has changed
to "firstcitizensonline.com"*

This electronic mail and any files transmitted with it are
confidential and are intended solely for the use of
individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you
are not the intended recipient or the person responsible
for delivering the electronic mail to the intended
recipient, be advised that you have received this
electronic mail in error and that any use, dissemination,
forwarding, printing, or copying of this electronic mail is
strictly prohibited. If you have
received this
electronic
mail in error, please immediately notify the sender by
return mail.
==============================================================================

John Barry

As you have probably heard,John Barry had died.
I knew John when I was a teenager,although he was much older.His father Jack Prendergast, owned a couple of cinemas in York,and the one above was our main source of entertainment.All the big bands came,also all the popular singers/entertainers of the day.
John,of course,went on to great things,and hadn't lived in York since he was a young man,but I often saw him around town when he visited his parents.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

EAR REPAIR



Yesterday Kathy and I were given free tickets and attended a 'Tribute to Pink Floyd' at the local Casino. My ears have just stopped bleeding..... Next week we see 'Grease' that's about as wild as we need..

Totenweg Sengwarden Wilhemshaven

toten weg

“ Way of the dead”

Somewhere on this street was the Headquarters of Admiral Doenitz until the occupation of France.

There was another “school” here from Autumn 1947 until October 1948!

Maybe some of the “47ers” will remember!

The members of the school were not children!

squiz

Sherry's continuing Excellent Adventure...

On the Sydney Harbour Bridge for Sherry's last day in Sydney, with the temp in the high 30s.
Remember the view, Helga?

Somewhere down there we ate Italian washed down with Lambrusco. We spent the previous evening in a great jazz club. Now we be back in Canberra - and the heat goes on.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

fer Squirrel...


HELP PLEASE

Need the name of the building in the background at the left?

 

Clipboard01

Any help welcome.

SQUIRREL

Caption Competition


Well, what else to end the week but with a caption competition with a sporting theme.
Have a good one!

Friday, January 28, 2011

SIMPLES!

RUGBY UNION OFF-SIDE RULE

 

Clipboard01

Lady Ref.


Well, referees have certainly changed since I was a lad!

still on the subject of the offside rule...

...rumour has it, it's Fredstep's birthday!...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ampshire suicide attempt


I have had an email and two phone calls from one 'Anxious of Ampshire' who feels the need to blog this picture urgently, but the technology has not reached his village. He obviously has a death wish as he has told me in a voicemail that this is for the ladies. Wow!

When I get older....... more mature, mellowed or whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR THE LADIES OF THE  BLOG

 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE ANDTHINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL.....YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO .

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL . 'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! ' HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK? 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ARSED, GREY HAIRED, DECREPIT, BASTARD ASKED.... 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Squirrel with apologies for any offence……………………yeh right!

Clipboard01

Yeoman Warden At Tower Of London, Part II Of Four

Australia Day

Sherry's excellent Australian Adventure continues. Its been three days in Sydney and the heat hasn't let up. Australia Day was its usual success and the fireworks display in the evening was one of the best yet.
Hottest Australia Day in 31 years!

Some icons in Sydney.

Sharks R Us.

Start of 20 minutes of fireworks on the harbour.

After the wine.

all is clear!...

...but where's the goalposts? :0

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

WHAT IS OLD?

Photobucket
"OLD" IS WHEN.....

Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"

and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"

OLD" IS WHEN.....

A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.



Photobucket

OLD" IS WHEN.....

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

Photobucket

"OLD" IS WHEN.....

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Photobucket

OLD" IS WHEN.....

"Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.

Photobucket

"OLD" IS WHEN.....

An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee

Photobucket

haaaaaaaaaaahhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

GOD BLESS ALL HERE!!!

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the Bloody thing up.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For God’s sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging About!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here Boy." he replies.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his Feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging me self!" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I tried dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
  .. ……………….
An American tourist asks an Irish dive master: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:  "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."

It's Carolyn's BIRTHDAY!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Very good enhanced photograph. Pre-war

U-28-29-30-LesU-BootedelaflottilleSaltzwedel

U37 About to dock at Bante Kaserne February 1940

U-37-PavoisdevictoiresWilhelmshaven

Found these digitally enhanced photographs. Who is that boy on the bridge!

Oh well, in for a penny........

A fellow suffering with severe constipation went to see his doctor. During his examination, the doctor said, "Tell me what you eat in the normal course of a day". "Well," Replied the fellow, "First fing, me wife gets up around 5.30 an' makes a pot o' tea. She brings me a cuppa wiv a couple of biscuits to get me system up an' runnin' while she makes brekkie. That's normally a couple o' bangers, some bacon, mushrooms, beans fried bread and an egg or two. On the way to work, I stops at the caff an' gets some coffee an a bun. Around 11, we get a break an' coffee wiv a snack. Me wife packs me lunch, a couple of rounds of sarnies, slice of cake, a banana an' sumfink ta drink. Around 3 we gets anuvva break wiv tea an biscuits an' on the way 'ome, I stops at the caff again fer a bun or a doughnut to keep be goin' until tea time. We 'ave bread an' jam an' some cake or those likkle jammy tarts. Then I goes dahn the boozer fer a few pints wiv me mates - an I usually 'ave a sarnie there to keep the wolf from the door. That keeps me goin' while 'Er Indoors makes dinner - meat and two veg, spuds, bread an' butter, cuppa tea, some puddin' wiv custard an' then we watch TV until bed time when we 'ave a piece of pie an' a cuppa cocoa before we goes to bed."
"I think I've diagnosed your problem" Said the doctor, "You've only got one arsehole!"

On a topical theme!



Referees line up for 2014 World Cup selection.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Mick and Paddy of Belfast

ATT00001

Stew  died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The  morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy.
The three men had always done  everything together...
Mick arrived first, and when the  mortician pulled back the sheet,
Mick said, 'Yup, his face is  burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over'
The mortician  rolled him over and Mick said, 'Nope, ain't Stew ..'
The  mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought  Paddy in to confirm the identity of the body.
Paddy looked at  the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up..
Roll him  over.'
The  mortician rolled him over and Paddy said, 'No, it ain't Stew  '
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Paddy said,  'Well, Stew had two assholes.'
'What? He had two assholes?'  asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:
'There's Stew with them two assholes.'

And I thought dinosaurs were extinct

Birthday Girl


Yes it is Norma's birthday - do wish her all the best Paul.....

Sunday, January 23, 2011

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

I was interested to read Storminnorman's blog of Friday.
It just shows that jokes can circulate (in one form or another) for ever.
This is in my Tiverton Grammar School Magazine for October 1953.

Population of the United Kingdom 46 million
People of 65 or over 12 million
People of 18 or under 16 million
People working for the Government 9 million
People in the Armed Services 2 million
People in State and Council Offices 6.8 million
People in Hospitals, Lunatic Asylums,
Pools and greyhound Racing 126 thousand
Spivs and others who don't work 62 thousand
Persons in jail 11,998
Balance left over to do the work 2

That's you and I, reader, and what are you doing about it.

It seems that after about 57 years only the figures have altered!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Dishy Kangeroos,,,

Senior Olympic Synchronized Swimming

Ok now, one for you fellas!! Dont say this blog isn't equal opportunity - this is well done. But you could wear the UK strip:)

Evaporating Water in -30C in Yellowknife, NWT

How about this for instant evaporation?

Friday-Just up the road-40 vehicle pile up

http://www.ctv.ca/gallery/html/ontario_pileup_110121/index_.html

One unfortunate, who left her car, was struck and killed. As my Dad used to say "If in doubt, DON'T "

The dish in Canberra

Sherry is touring Canberra trying to dodge a mix of hot sun and tropical thunderstorms.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I think this was for Alex!

A personal message to you from David Cameron…

The UK is in DEEP trouble ...
The population of this country is approximately 60 million.
32 million are retired.
That leaves 28 million to do the work.
There are 17 million in school or at Universities.
Which leaves 11 million to do the work.
Of this there are 8 million employed by the UK government.
Leaving 3 million to do the work.
1.2 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden, and fighting in Afghanistan
Which leaves 1.8 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils. And that leaves 1 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit.
Leaving 512,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 511,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your arse,
At your computer, reading jokes.
Is it any wonder that we are in such a mess and that I am stressed out through trying to cope on my own?

Mine and probably other PRSites Theme



Seen 'em all

Sad news.

I heard with sadness today that one of the "girls" who started PRS with me, Pat Franks (Whittam) passed away on 5th January. Pat and I were in the same room in Howe, with another friend Felicity Smith. Pat and "Flicky" stayed close over the years, I met up again with both of them at a very mini re-union in 2003, when the three of us spent a wonderful two days reminiscing, giggling and having a great time at the home of Pat and Ray, who passed away a few years ago. I think he was the most patient of men, as we did get carried away from time to time!! Pats brother Ted, also at PRS, in Howe, was head of house. He died quite a long time ago. I have been thinking today of those "3 scared, homesick little girls" who wondered how they were going to get through their first night away from home, and we were just that, little girls. I am so glad that I was able to get together with both Pat and Flicky after all those years of no contact at all.

End of the week caption comp.



Have a good one everyone. Only 129 days to go!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

KITTY KALLEN - LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT (U.K.No1 1954)

Remember my Mother amazing me one day when this was playing on the radio, by telling me it was her favourite song. I bought a double CD set the other day with all 1950's hits, this one is from 1954 - we were living in Tidworth after leaving Germany. I am ashamed to say that I didnt even know she had a favourite song, but I was only 14 at the time, so maybe can be excused. Sorry Mum.

One from Diane

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Tailored fit.

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank cheque and says: 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician: 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank cheque.
'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, madam,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice...

‘…So I just switched the heads.'

(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)

OXLEY FLOODS


DIANE-This is your cousin's house taken this morning when I was out and about.No flood damage whatsoever.[ not the case about 500metres back down the road]So they would have been cut off by the water,but not damaged.Tried the doorbell but nobody home.Hope this is of some value to you.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Some family links



This is 22 year old Corey Swiergosz (Cousin of Abbie) Kathy's sister Marion Has 3 boys Rick, John & Dave. This is Dave's son and Abbie is John's daughter. We all met for Xmas dinner in Kirkland Lake. He seems to only eat boiled carrots by the platefull...

a touch of non-PC!...

A Romanian, an Arab,
And a Yorkshire Lass are
In the same bar...

When the Romanian
Finishes his beer,
He throws his glass
In the air, pulls
Out
His pistol, and
Shoots
The glass
To pieces.
He says, 'In Romania,
Our glasses are so
Cheap we don't need
To drink with the
Same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously
Impressed by this,
Drinks non-alcohol beer
(cuz he's a Muslim!),
Throws it into the
Air, pulls out his
AK-47, and shoots
The glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the
Arab World, we have
So much sand to make
Glasses that we don't
Need to drink with
The same one twice either.'

The Yorkshire Lass,
Cool as a cucumber,
Picks up her beer,
Downs it in one gulp,
Throws the glass into
The air, whips out her
45, and shoots the
Romanian and the Arab.
Catching her glass,
Setting it on the bar, and

Calling
For a refill,
She says,
'In Yorkshire,
We have so many
Illegal immigrants that
We don't have to
Drink with the same ones twice.'

God Bless Yorkshire !!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Warm up for Nottingham



If anyone is interested in attending a mini reunion in Shrewbury on Sunday March 6th at the Prince Rupert Hotel do get back to me and I will pass on the details. It is a lunch time do but you will need to book as the meal has to be pre ordered - Rob Cheek is organising it again - but unfortunately timing means the advert will be too late for the next New Cavalier...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Oxley - for Diane

This is Oxley's commercial centre looking south west. Brisbane is a few miles behind your right shoulder. The Ipswich Motorway runs bottom left to top right, where you can make out the Oxley Road overpass - just to the left of the Oxley Hotel.
Oxley Creek winds left to right through the trees - or used to before it became a lake.
Not all of Oxley went under, so fingers crossed. Do you have a street address - we could check some inundation maps.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Views of Lake Louise and the 7 sisters



I never was a C&W. fan but who can not like Jim Reeves (and Pattsy Cline)

Friday, January 14, 2011

End of the week caption competition



Secret filming of British Rail's new economy seating plan to improve overcrowding!

Motor for TROLLS



A Norwegian invention attached to a log (usually pine) used to navigate the fjiords while chasing fairies..

OLD SCHOOL!

U40