Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Surely, this cannot be so............

http://beforeitsnews.com/news/88/259/Thanks_to_the_Feds_A-Whale_A_Giant_Oil_Skimmer_Is_Not_Skimming_Oil_in_the_Gulf.html

This is a brand, spanking new 300,000 ton tanker equipped to vacuum up and centrifuge (i.e. separate the oil from the water) about 75,000 tons a day and Lloyd's classified - the most exacting classification society for shipping - and the coast guard is questioning whether she meets their standards? Give me a break!

More likely, this has something to do with being Liberian registered and not manned and operated in accordance with The Jones Act - requires American flag, all American crew - and far too many of them - and a bunch of other stuff to satisfy union requirements.

Sex of a Fly!

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
Oldie but a goodie…

 

no1

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter. 
"What are you doing?"  
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"  
He responded. 
"Oh!  Killing any?" 
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

no2

 

Intrigued, she asked. 
"How can you tell them apart?"


He responded,
"3 were on a beer can, 
2  were on the  phone

".

Hot

Dress code for today!

SENIOR DRESS CODE  
Many of us 'Old Folks' (over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves.
Feeling 'young', we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.
Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Mini skirts and varicose veins
And, Most importantly
At some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE' shorts

 

pants

Embarrassed

Embarrassed

Enjoy!

http://www.wimp.com/threetenors/

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

'to see if it hurts'...

...seems two Australian men needed surgery after shooting each other in the buttocks during a drinking session...just to see if it would hurt!...yeah right! :))
...Both men, aged 34, used an air rifle to fire at each other and ended up in hospital...Apparently, the men were sharing a few beers when they thought it would be interesting to see if they shot at one another with an air rifle, it would penetrate their skin and hurt!...well duh! :))
...Initially, the two men from the base of the Grampians (near Melbourne)...hey up Babs!...thought they were fine....However, two days after the event, both were admitted to hospital and required surgery to remove slug pellets from their buttocks and legs...
...One of the men has been stripped of his firearms licence over the incident...no kidding! :))

Monday, June 28, 2010

the hand of frog!...


Cannot be any worse


Fabio has broken with his usual tradition of naming his team 2hrs before kick-off and announced his team for the 2012 Euro Championship

Friday, June 25, 2010

Weekend Comedy clip


Remember this one?
Have a good weekend Ya all.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Today!

If we were sat in “Nelson! this morning, this would have been the theme of assembly!

England expects that every man will do his duty

soccerballOpen-mouthedorCrying

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Budapest?

Just received this from friend in Budapest,it was on TV as being a person that police are interested in speaking to. Could be Dutchman with English accent or Englishman with Dutch accent!



Photobucket

Tee-Hee!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Same view, a few years later

And for a quick comparison, the same view from some tourists around 1940/41. It might be the Tirpitz alongside just right of centre.

Wilhelmshaven harbour map 1936

I saw some recent chat here about WW2 subs in the harbour, and it reminded me of this map which has some of the old names of the harbour and its entrances. It is centered on the PRS site and Hipper Hafen.

Clown or Genius?

 Andiamo Fabbio!

 

Clipboard01

Just like that!

Indanet!

smile_shadessmile_shadessmile_shades

Who is this?

THE DEVIL


A few minutes before the services started,

The people were seated in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except

For one elderly gentleman who sat calmly

in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious

to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying,

physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well,

why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied,

"Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Devil

Devil

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Obviously did not go to PRS


Answers on a postcard, please!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

2010 World Cup


Nice song, turn up the volume

Friday, June 18, 2010

OH.....MY......GOD!

Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Obama go to heaven and are standing in front of God’s throne. God ask Al what he believes, Al replies, I believe I won that election but I understand it was not your will for me to be President. God says this is good, come and sit my left hand. God asks Bill, what do you believe? Bill says, I believe in forgiveness, I have sinned, but I never held a grudge against anyone and I hope no one will hold a grudge against me, God says, you are forgiven, come and sit my right hand. God ask Obama, what do you believe, Obama replies, I believe you are sitting in my chair!

Comedy clip for the weekend


Something to bring a smile for the weekend. Have a good 'un.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

How true this is!

Anyone YOU know?

Soon after the body was first created, the brain suddenly made an announcement. “I think that the body should have a boss,” it said, “and that boss should be me!”
This caused a big argument because all the parts thought that they should be the boss as they believed that they were of equal importance and knew just as much about the job of running the body as the brain did. “Furthermore!” said the brain, "I think that I should be the boss because everything stems from the brain and I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be the boss since we carry the brain and everyone else about and get them to where they want to go." The hands argued, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
“Don’t forget us!” the heart and lungs said in unison, “ We supply the fuel to keep you all functioning, where would you be without us!”
As the argument raged, a voice suddenly spoke, “What about me, why can’t I be the boss?”
“Who said that?” said the brain. “ It’s the Arsehole!” retorted the hands. ”Whoever heard of an Arsehole being a boss!” said the heart and lungs.
All the parts sniggered at the idea of an asshole being the boss.
This upset the Arsehole so much that it went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched and began to sweat, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, the stomach bulged and the brain fevered.
As the days went by, everyone realised that this state of affairs could not go on and eventually all the parts called a meeting. After much debate, it was reluctantly decided that the asshole should become the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat around and passed out the shit!

Moral of The Story: Even if you have the brains to become the boss, an asshole will often have the last say.

You'll probably hate me for this...........

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda ticked off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were green like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.
He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and suchlike."
The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says, "Toadra-capokus! You're green!"
The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"
To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
There is a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he also encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like all the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account that the hunters can spot me from a mile off."
She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says:"Bearus-cadabra! You're brown!"
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries. They remain purple. He says: "My wang is still purple!" She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."
To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?"
The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... just follow the yellowdick Toad!"

Spelly

Eye halve a spelling chequer it came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques, four my revue,
miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid,
it nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite
it's rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
my chequer tolled me sew.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

GRAND BEND(LIKE AMITY WITHOUT THE SHARK)

GRAND BEND

MAIN STREET,JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS BEFORE
THE HORDES INVADE.

SLEEPY TOWN WAITING FOR 20-30 THOUSAND
THIRSTY TESTOSTERONE YOUNGER CROWD.

LAKE HURON.



MS Error Message


Monday, June 14, 2010

and there's more!...

...I have it on good authority that 'tis the birthday of da Squirrel too!...at least it will be when he wakes up on the morrow!...Have a good one...

Finally - - An answer I can Understand!

An American tourist asks an Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall
Backwards off their boats?"


To which the Irishman replies:
"If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the f###in' boat."

H.M.S. James (Scuttled)


Thankyou for drawing my attention to H.M.S James, Alex. There are a flotilla of these encounters which range from Dreadnought to M.T.B. Hopefully, Cap'n James will not be saluting when a cannon ball flies past his good self.
Rule Britannia.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

...never been so discombobulated in me life as I be this weekend!...Visiting son and, what I earnestly hope will be my future daughter in law, (shush!), in Leigh on Sea when...wot do I see but Sarfend...is, like, along da coast and visible, innit!...most visibul eeeeelongated pier and all dat jazz in fact...
...and now I'm finking, just why does 'Sarfend' figure large in the making of fings...and I wanna say hey up Alex but don't exactly know whoi, and cannot check exactly whoi in da scope of fings innit, mainly 'cos I'm tapping this out on an alien laptop after a hard days trudging up hill and down dale about Hadleigh Castle and separated from me usual comfort zone and all dat jazz too! :))
...anyhoo, 'tis someone's birfday on the morrow if memory serves, and 'tis either Bob's or Paul's...but, as I said, being separated from me kitchen diary an' aaal dat jazz, I'm not altogether sure which, so I wish you both the same as don't want to miss either!...
...an' I'll catch up on the morrow...laters as the saying goes innit eh!...

INGERLAND

Malato come un pappagallo!!!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

ALEX AND PAUL

SORRY NOT RUSSIANS BUT:-

10/06/10 23:51

A mystery Ukrainian consortium has emerged as the front-runner to buy cash-strapped Portsmouth but the group are not prepared to meet the club’s asking price of £30m.

 

Daily Mail on line 10/06

BE A MAN!

image001

HotHotHot

For Squirrel


The Blonde

Weekend quiz


This building has just been completed in Anlaby, East Yorks (Where I live) It is called Tranby House. The ground floor is to be a shop and the floors above contain three (not cheap) apartments. Can you spot the deliberate mistake?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

World Cup


Yes, we are ready. It will be like watching a Spurs match (Ey-up, Alex!

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

ROCKY THREE




How is this done??



My guess is that it's something in his pants!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

One for Alex



Sure you will remember this character singing his version of the unofficial Aussie anthem. Ey-up Babs

An Obituary printed in the London Times...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend - Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault after all.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound, financial policies, (don't spend more than you can earn), and reliable strategies, (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned, but overbearing, regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student - but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents 'Truth' and 'Trust'; by his wife, 'Discretion'; by his daughter, 'Responsibility' and by his son, 'Reason'.
He is survived by 4 stepbrothers;
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

RIP

Monday, June 07, 2010

One survived anyway...


Noticed yesterday, lots of activity at the birdhouse - parents flying around and landing in the tree and calling. Then a little guy appeared at the entrance, (bottom) and I managed to get in closer (top) and he or she just sat there quite calmly. I watched after I came back into the house and it suddenly flew out and up into the tree. Then flew off! The parents were still taking bugs into the bird house yesterday afternoon, but today there is no activity at all and no adult chickadees around. At least one survived...

Wales

Thought I'd share this - received from the Dafydd Ladd himself.....

The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving  milk..

 

The towns folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply.

 

They brought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful, produced lots of

milk every day and everyone was happy.

 

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd

never have to worry about their milk supply again.

 

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull

tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

 

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from

the bull and he was never able to do the deed..

 

The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was very

wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

 

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

 

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward, they said

 

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

 

If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side.

 

"The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

 

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales ?"

 

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they

had brought the cow over from Wales .

 

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said..

 

“ How did you know we got the cow from Wales ?

 

"The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,

 

"My wife is from Wales " 

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Budapest!

If you fancy visiting Budapest after seeing Paul's photos then do not miss this:-

Children's Railway

Had a "memory" day there a few years ago.

smile_shades

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Slate coloured Junco

I suppose in the grand scheme of life, this posting is small beans. We have watched over the past few weeks, two of these lovely little birds build their nest, the female lay 4 eggs and hatch out 4 tiny chicks. Then watched the pair faithfully feeding their little brood. These little birds nest on or near the ground (unfortunately) and these two chose my fern leaf bleeding heart plant to nest under, near the wall of the house. Perfectly hidden. Except for a cat belonging to a neighbour over on the next street. Early yesterday morning when I went to the door, the damn cat was just leaving the site of the nest and yes, three chicks were gone and one still in the nest, dead. We had put up a small fence hoping to keep any cats out and it seemed to be working until yesterday. One of the adults had been missing for a few days, so it may have met the same fate. The remaining one stayed in a nearby tree until this morning, chipping its distress. We also have black capped chickadees raising their young in a birdbox, and signs show the cat has tried to get at them but the openings are too small, and the adults are still taking food into the box. I hope they will soon be ready to fly and safely make it to adulthood.

The Goldberg Brothers

The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little trivia for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.

On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.


I can hear your groans from here. :-)

Where is everyone?