Friday, February 26, 2010
This is positively my last comment on this subject, but we cannot leave it without reference to the man himself (Thomas Crapper 1836 - 1910) He started with the earth filled bucket and ended up with the flush systern. I believe he was a football supporter in his later life. As a man always at the bottom and in the shit, I leave to guess whom he supported.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
As you can see the weather was white but Carol and I managed to make the Committee meeting at the weekend. I was very excited as it was the first snowfall I have seen this winter.
To anyone who was thinking of writing a report for the next Newsletter please would you send it asap, last date is now Friday 5th March - need some 60s stories please and photos if possible.
Take care everyone, it is cold out there unless of course you are in hotter parts!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
*Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
them while you chop.
*Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
*For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
*A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over
and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
*If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to
*You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape: If it doesn't move and it
should, use the WD -40; If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
* SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING
BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE
*If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem!
*Always Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them ...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go?
Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an
extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well
as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring
throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family
and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their
vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird
to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
Monday, February 15, 2010
Good Day to you all
This photograph was taken at Durdle Door last weekend by my youngest daughter; we decided to go out in my van for lunch and to enjoy the view from the top of the cliff, those of you in the know are aware of my van and how much I love it, roll on the warmer weather :) - that particular day I learnt a valuable lesson - do not drive van or any other vehicle onto waterlogged grass on a slope as you get the scary wheel spin. I called everyone I know, noone was answering...... Jen and I raided a gravel pile but to no avail... in the end we had to ask three or was it four very hunky chaps to push us.... they were amazingly upbeat about doing such a manly task for which I am eternally grateful.
So to conclude the smile in the photograph is very much of relief as the gates close in Durdle Door at 4pm, Jen had a train to catch and the time was 2ish and at that time there were only a few cars parked... those men appeared firstly in their wetsuits just like the Man (Men) from Atlanta; we waited until they were changed.... hmmmm nice!
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
The Squirrel returns!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
Trust Diane , Bob and their families have survived and all is well for them.
But the UK gets so much hassle when we can't cope with our snow falls.Not geared up etc etc.
From the Tele world the news bulletins show countries that do have all the latest gear etc and are prepared for bigger snow falls than we get, also have "difficulties" with snow clearing ,traffic chaos,schools closing ,no power etc.
So the old world ain't as backward as some claim.
Braced for RSVP's :):)
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Sir John Dankworth, a mainstay of the British jazz scene for over 60 years, has died, his family has confirmed.
Saxophonist Sir John, 82, served as musical director to the likes of Nat King Cole and Ella Fitzgerald.
Sir John, known as Johnny, was knighted in 2006 for services to music. He died at the King Edward VII Hospital in London on Saturday. His wife, the singer Dame Cleo Laine, announced his death.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Dr Smith advised her 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'
'Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and replied, "Hickory dickory dock...."
Friday, February 05, 2010
perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder
what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent
thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I
wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it
because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology... You really ought to buy
me. I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.... 'Sorry, but I just can't afford
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just
make the guy an offer!'
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational....
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he
understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you
this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..'
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the
door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and
began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and
began to kiss her all over....'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!'
Two days before they are leaving, Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going. Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.
"Wow, how long have you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you come?"
"Well, I've been here since last night...yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?’ "
“I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit! He took my hand and led me into the bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles burning and rose petals scattered...on the bed he had handcuffs and ropes. He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, ‘Now you can do whatever you want’ "
“So here I am!”...
...there's a moral there...............
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
This, in itself, is quite fun. What is NOT fun is the abundance of truck-driving morons who think there's a direct association between engines and penis size and for whom the little tag saying 'SPORT' means 'I'm indestructible'. Asked, "How big is the engine in that thing?", these idiots will respond with a knowing smirk, "Iyat's a eyiaght ciyalinder", the while having absolutely no idea what cubic capacity it has or how much power or torque it produces. They are, nonetheless, convinced that eight cylinders enhances their masculinity!
It is said that man is born with both a brain and a penis but only enough blood for one of them. This explains why these fellows have not connected the dots that say 'rear wheel drive' and 'no weight over the rear wheels' is an appallingly dangerous equation in icy conditions. On the upside, most of these Richard-heads have spun out and had to abandon their trucks within the first few hours. To actually see the disbelief and the terror induced death's-head grimaces their faces register as they do a three-sixty in front of you is one of the more rewarding experiences of ice-driving.
Our dog is rather confused by the snow. Not only has her usual feast of nasal treats disappeared, after a partial thaw and an overnight re-freeze, the white stuff supports her weight.......almost. When it gives and all four of her legs penetrate, the white stuff touches her belly. She does not like this. Nor does she like her legs being held firm by four little holes in the ice. Good job she's a she, though. Sone of the he dogs are stuck to the lamp-posts!