Sunday, August 31, 2008

...on the move...

...I understand a mandatory evacuation of the city has been ordered by New Orleans Mayor, Ray Nagin, as a massive hurricane bears down on the Gulf Coast of the United States. Hurricane Gustav is currently a category four, with winds up to 240 kilometres an hour and has already slammed into western Cuba, smashing buildings and flattening crops...

Friday, August 29, 2008

...age happens!...

...rumour has it Michael Jackson is half a century old...allegedly! :)

Expand your word power …this week French.

For all of you who wanted to know what the French for hot air balloon is.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

WHOOPS!

Think I may have just won the award for the longest posting! :)

Classic military observations.....

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
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"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Manual
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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal
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"You, you, and you, panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
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"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
- U.S. Navy Swabbie
----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- David Hackworth
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"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal
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"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper . once."
- Anonymous
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
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"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies
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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death . I Shall Fear No Evil. For I
am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
- From an old carrier sailor
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter - and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?” "Where are we?" and "Oh S...!"
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"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
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"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."
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"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
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"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
row is prevarication."
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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries."
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about
it."
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"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."
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Advice given to Police pilots by Premier: "When a prang (crash) seems
inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to
its maximum."
- Jon McBride, astronaut
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"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
crash as possible."
- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It
is much more difficult to fly there."
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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn
off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives;
the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?" The
pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

Today's smile

A rather nervous fellow was due to be best man at his friend’s wedding. Unaccustomed to public speaking, he was asking advice. Another somewhat more worldly wise friend of his said, “Really, there’s nothing to it. You capture the audience’s attention and take it from there”.
“How do I do that?” Asked the best man to be.
“Oh, simple…….you tell them a joke”.
“But I’m HOPELESS at telling jokes”.
“Well, as I recall, you’re quite good a poetry. Why don’t you recite an amusing poem?”
“Like what?”
“Like: There was a fellow called Skinner,
Who took a girl out to dinner.
At half past nine,
The sat down to dine
And at half past ten, it was in her……………..not Skinner……………..the dinner!”

Well, equipped with this sound advice and at the appropriate time in the ceremony, up stood the best man. He mumbled and fumbled and rather awkwardly started with:
“Um……..uh……..I’m told I have to get your attention!”
Smiling nervously, he continued, “There was a fellow called Tucker,
Who took a girl out to supper.
At half past nine,
They sat down to dine
And at half past ten, it was up her…………not tucker………some other f***er……..um……..uh………SKINNER!”

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Cape Breton,Nova Scotia

This is such a beautiful part of Atlantic Canada, thought you might like to see it, as I mentioned mountains in a comment to your video Paul. Jimmy Rankin in a member of the Rankin family of Cape Breton, a family group of great singers and musicians. Th windy road you see in part of the video is the Cabot Trail. I have been round it, and it is breathtaking.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fleet 08


Di Wray and Roger Hall

Lois Hammond
Dennis Price



Geoff and LLL
Barbara Steels with husband and not sure who the other guy is!




Liz Bird (Hughes) and Jock Wilson




Roger Hall and Bob Innes (first meeting after 40+ years!)


Julian Barry , Sue Burroughs and Pat Smythe





Ian 'Ginge' McNeil and wife Margaret and Julian again



Frances Burroughs (Warner) and Norma Kelly (Dunlevy ) and husband John's nose!




Tony and Sheila Jenns, Steve Barry and Frances again


Some of the 100 odd folk at the Lismoyne Hotel ... too busy chatting to get many more!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Sunday drive.








We went out for a drive yesterday, ending up at the Wood Islands ferry terminal. The MV Confederation had just come in and was beginning to unload, so we went up into the nearby park to watch. Got some pics as it reloaded and got underway. It goes between Wood Islands, PEI and Caribou, Nova Scotia. It was loaded up in record time, and had to leave a good 20 or more vehicles, campers etc behind as it was full. They'd have an hour and a half wait for the next one, maybe longer. We only have two boats plying the route, the other is older and can take less. The ferry closes for the year about December 19th, start up date May 1st every year. It was a beautiful day, hot and sunny, ideal for photos. The Wood Islands lighthouse has stood for many years, the guiding light. The photos come up well if you click on them. Hope you enjoy.
Weather raining and humid today. Good day for housework!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Senors Rule!!!!

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife askedincredulously.
'YES!!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! WE'VE been around the block more than once!

One for the road...........

Any offers?


Friday, August 22, 2008

Good, Better, Best...

GOOD:A Saskatchewan police officer had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD' The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)BETTER:A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Edmonton , AB. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.BEST:A young woman was pulled over for speeding in Saskatchewan . As the Saskatchewan RCMP Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the RCMP Ball.'He replied, 'Ma'am, Saskatchewan RCMP don't have Balls'There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and drove off.She was laughing too hard to start her car.

Just to demonstrate

Peugeot 203 in black, Jowett Javelin in green.





Thursday, August 21, 2008

Another mystery motor

Always wanted one of these, too



Anyone know what it is?

They were never imported into USA so my chances are now slim or none!

Mystery motor

Who knows what this beauty is?





I owned one of these back in the 1960s - LOVED it.

Another '20' - for Paul

Thought you might like to see another car with a slope back that bore the number 20 - a Lancia Aurelia GT B-20






This beautiful car dates from 1950

Some folk should be forced to wear 'I'M STUPID' signs

Picture, if you will, the waiting room at the local hospital. It's maybe 50 ft by 20 ft and, in the centre of one of the 50 ft walls is the entrance, a large, glassy affair. Opposite that - and therefore the most prominent thing in the room to any new arrival - is the perhaps 15 ft long, bowed and brightly lit reception desk. Patient seating areas are off to either side of the reception area.

So, there I was, sat sitting there in the seating area reading my book and waiting on Jen. An (even more) elderly fellow apparently came in (I was engrossed and didn't notice him), he had made his way to the reception desk and noticed that nobody was sitting behind it. What a revelation THAT must have been because he marched over to where I was sitting and said to me rather loudly, "Is there nobody at reception, then?". Well.., a quick scan with the old optics confirmed his diagnosis. There was nobody at reception.

But why was this MY FAULT?

"Apparently you've got it in one," I said, "There is nobody at reception!"

He glared at me, turned on his heel and, muttering loudly, stalked off towards one of the various doors to other parts of the hospital. When he eventually found someone, he was as nice as pie to her. However, he saved one last shaft of body piercing X-ray vision for me as he left!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Australian clarification

To all Down under,- the term POMS or POMMIE comes from when the Captain Cook's crew and "CARGO" escaped the Yorkshire Tea & sailed off to the colonies.On arrival the "CARGO" was landed they were called Poms and this was from the official description of Prisoners Of Mother England.

A further upto date when a work mate of mine arrived in Melbourne ( 1992) after a long flight from London and a few drinks, he was asked by Immigration , purpose of visit?
He replied work. He was then asked have you ever had a criminal record?

He with his drink courage replied Officer I did know it was still a requirement for entry.
He was told wait there Sir and was released 48 hours later with the local company pleading his case for discharge.

Read carefully.....

1977 : Long hair 2007 : Longing for hair 1977: KEG 2007: ECG 1977 : Acid rock 2007 : Acid relief 1977 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2007 : Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 1977 : Seeds and stems 2007 : Roughage 1977 : Going to a new, hip joint 2007 : Receiving a new hip joint [] 1977 : Rolling Stones 2007 : Kidney Stones 1977 : Screw the system 2007 : Upgrade the system 1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2007 : Children begging you to get their heads shaved 1977 : Passing the drivers' test 2007 : Passing the vision test Here's some age perspective : The people who are starting college next Year were born in 1990. They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blow-up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. The CD was introduced the year they were born. They have always had an answering machine They have always had cable. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. They do not care who shot J. R. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. They have never seen one.Pass this on to the other friends on your list. Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading... It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive, kicking and having fun!!!! - You have to concentrate hard to read this. It is the difference of 30 yrs, 1977 and 2007, it just didnt come out like it should have!!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Culture...and its differences

An Asian gentleman entered a bank of Regent Street. He had a crossed cheque which he had made out to cash and had ‘opened’ the crossing with his signature. He got in line. When his turn came, he slid the cheque under the glass and waited to receive his money. The teller picked up the cheque, turned it over and then pushed it back under the glass saying, “Sign it on the back, please Sir.”

The Asian fellow was indignant. With head wobbling and fingers bending back and palms outward, he started, “Vy should I sign ahn beck?” He protested, “Already I am signing ahn frahnt two times. Two times enough for anybahdy!” He pushed it back towards the teller.

Patiently, the teller returned the cheque again and said, “Sir, I cannot cash this cheque unless you sign it on the back.”

The Asian gentleman refused. The teller explained that he could take his cheque to any branch of any bank and he would be told exactly the same thing. The Asian gentlemen picked up his cheque and left the bank, muttering and gesticulating as he went. Further down the street, there was another branch of the same bank. He went in, joined a queue and, when he reached the window, pushed his cheque under the teller’s window. The teller picked it up, turned it over and, as the previous teller had done, pushed it back under the glass saying, “Sign it on the back, please Sir.”

The Asian gentlemen went into wobbly overdrive………palms flashing, fingers bending, he said, “I am explaining to other teller! Two times it is signing…..WHY TO SIGN IT AHN THE BACK?”

This teller had had it right up to the roots of his hair. He’d had kids in with their change jars, bits and bobs of cash receipts from various shops, customers who waited until they were at the window before starting on whatever paperwork they had. The public SUCKED! With no change in his expression he reached for and released the clips on either side of the glass window in front of him and raised it. He reached through and grabbed the Asian gentleman by the front of his shirt with one hand and rhythmically back and front handed him across the face with the other. As he did so, he shouted, each alternate syllable coinciding with a sharp slapping sound, “IF you WANT your MONey, SIGN it ON the FUCKing BACK!”

A few weeks later, the Asian gentleman was in the first bank again and happened to be in the line for the teller he’d seen when he first tried to cash his cheque. The teller recognized him and said, “So, were you able to get your money, Sir?”
“Vy yes”, Replied the Asian gentleman.
“And, did you sign the cheque on the back?”
“Vy yes”,
“Now why didn’t you save yourself all that trouble and just sign the thing when I asked you to?”
“Vell”, Said the Asian gentleman, “Other teller explaining MAAAACH better!”

Judas Asparagus:)

Judas Asparagus
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing, and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!," and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in, though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent 10 plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.These include: Don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol, and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor-league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.
(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was.")
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had 12 opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the mount.
But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Yes! I managed to copy and paste.......

Why it's important to understand English:I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went tothe currency exchange window at the local bank. I stood in the short line. Just one lady in front of me . . . an Asianwho was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a littleirritated.She asked the teller, 'Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunatdolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?'The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too!'

Youth and inexperience.......

A young cow hand was given a brand new pair of six guns for his 18th birthday. He strapped them on, mounted his horse and road into town. Outside the saloon, he dismounted, swung the rein over the rail to secure his horse, mounted the steps and strode across the board walk to the swinging saloon doors. He pushed them open and stood there. Nobody turned a hair. He drew the guns and fired half a dozen shots into the ceiling, blew across the smoking barrels, spun the guns on his finger and holstered them. By now, he had everyone’s attention!

He strode nonchalantly across to the bar and ordered a shot of Red Eye. The barman slid the bottle down the counter and the lad blocked it. A glass followed the bottle. The kid blocked that, too and poured himself a shot. He knocked it back and poured another. The barman, by this time, was standing opposite him. “That’s a mahdy fahn pair o’ guns yer got there, boy. Ah’d lahk ter take a look at one o’ them guns.”

Green as grass, the lad slipped one of his new guns out of its holster and laid it on the counter. The barman picked it up and examined it. “Mahdy fahn” He exclaimed, “But Ah’m gonna gi’ ye’ some advahce an’ Ah wan’ yer ter listen an’ listen good!”

He turned the gun over in his hands, examining it and then said, “Yer’ve abaht four an’ a half inches too much on this heah barrel – y’ain’ gonna need thet, cut it off – an’ take a rasp to it….smooth it down. This heah trigger hammer’s gonna git ‘n the way. Cut it down, man….and take the rasp to it – smooth it raht off. Yer trigger guard’s bulky, y’ain’ gonna need thet….cut it off….and get that rasp workin’…oh, an’ there’s abaht a inch an’ a half too much trigger….cut it off and smooth it down. Then, when yer done did that, take yer knahf an’ pry off these fancy bits on the sahd of the hand grip…an’ git thet rasp workin’! Once yer finished, cover the ENTIRE thang in bear grease an’ repeat it wi’ th’ other gun!”!”

The lad looked at him incredulously. “Why, in the name of good God Almahty, would Ah wanna go an do all THET to muh bran’ new guns?”

“Well, boy,” Replied the barman, “When yew came in heah, you’se loosin’ aff lead lahk thet’s goin’ outa fashion! One o’ them bullets severed the chord holdin’ the big chandelier raht over wheah Black Bart was havin’ him a quiet game o’ poker in the corner an’, raht now, he’s sleepin’ some………but, when he wakes up……he’s gonna shove them guns raht up your ass!”

The eyes have it!

Model sues plastic surgeon for obvious reasons!





The surgeon was quoted as saying, "Looks alright to me!"

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Thank God for Yorkshire!!!

After a seven year absence it’s good to see that Yorkshire is still in the vanguard of resisting change, in August it’s as wet, cold and windy as ever.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Friday, August 15, 2008

Logic

A Georgian is to a Russian what an Irishman is to an Englishman or a Belgian is to a Dutchman.

So, a Russian was walking along with a book tucked under his arm. A Georgian, whom he knew, fell into step. "Hellyo" Said the Georgian. "Ent hellyo to you" Replied the Russian.
"I see you heff a book"
"Jyes"
"What iyss iyt abowt?"
"Iyt's abowt lyodzic"
"Lyodzic? Whyat iss thyet?"
"Lyet me teyll jyou abowt lyodzic.......Jyou heff an akvarjyum?"
"Thyis tells me jyou like fyish - thyis iys lyodzic"
"If jyou like fyish, jyou probyably like other animals - dwogs? Cyats?"
"I LYOVE dwogs and cyats! Hyow dyid you know?"
"Lyodzic!"
"Iyf jyou lyove dwogs and cyats, jyou will like cows?"
"Of course I like cows"
"Thyis tyells me jyou probyably eat beef and enjoy to barbeque?"
"I do, I do, I LYOVE to barbeque"
And thyat, my Georgian fryient, tyells me jyou are a fyamily myan wyith a wife and kyids!"
"HYOW DO JYUO KNOW THYIS?"
"Lyodzic!"


The next day, the Georgian was making his way down the street and this time, he had a book under his arm. A Russian of his acquaintance fell into step. "Hjello" He said, "Whyat is thyat under your arm?"
"It's a BOOK"
"A BOOK.......but djou cyan't read! What's it abowt?"
"LYODZIC!"
"Really? What do djou know abowt lyodzic?"
"My fryient, lyet me tyell you abowt lyodzic........do jyuo heff an akvarjum?"
"No....I do not!"
"Oh.......MY GYOD..........JYOU ARE A HOMOSEXUAL!"

Political correctness?

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United Sta tes . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!' The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.' The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!' The person says, 'I not
American, I Vietnamese.' The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful America!' That person puts up his hand
and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not American!' He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an American?' She says , 'No, I am from Africa!' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the
Americans?' The African lady checks her watch and says...'Probably at work!'

One more beaver....

Poor little devil, just when he thought it was safe to come out of the dam!

Ho hum........

John, the farmer, was in the fertilized egg business. He had several

hundred young layers (hens), also called 'pullets,' and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and

attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John

could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen. But on

this particular morning, John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at

all. John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets all

over the place with bells-a-ringing. The pullets, upon hearing the roosters

coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch

had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County

Fair, and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result.. The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize, but they awarded him the pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician

could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them

when they weren't paying attention.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Polite, patient ...... or just plain smart?

can't sleep! :)


...What nationality?...



Give up?





......POLISH......

<><><><><><><><><>




Don't believe me?




Okay, take a look




<><><><><><><><><>









So, What were you thinking?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Of beavers and related furry things....

Originally imported for their fur.
Anyone know what these are? They, too, have orange/yellow front teeth.
They grow to be 11 to 20 lbs with bodies up to 2 ft long with a tail up to 18 ins.

Prize - a version of Lingerie 5.3 with the stiletto add-on.

Lilies after the rain

Today, after the rain had stopped and because I was teed off about being unable to post the harness racing video, I took this photo of my Stargazer lily, a gift last year from grandees for Mothers Day.
Also, this is a day lily, called Catherine Woodbury, only blooms for a day (obviously), but so beautiful. Yes I know, a few weeds there, been too wet to garden. My excuse anyway.

Nice Beaver ...

Canadian Beaver, seen in reducing numbers around lakes.

refresh...


Computer Terminology

A few computer issues have cropped up on the blog lately. Maybe this will help ...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The day Richard Head went swimming

For some, marriage is a prison sentence; for others.................

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn he was in, she poured him out onto the patio table. Then tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!'

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, 'Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes the said, 'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!'

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, 'Herman, remember that blow job l promised you?'
'Here it comes....'

I've tried and tried and tried....

And I really have! Tried to post a video showing you all whats happening here this week on the Island. Its Old Home Week and the video showed one of the qualifying trotting races held each evening with the winners going on to run in the Gold Cup and Saucer Race on Saturday night. Its not as fast as flat racing but can be quite exciting. Also its probably something most of you dont see much of. Ah, well - I will try again, and I've been doing everything just as I always did when posting a video.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Some Howe boys


leaning against hand rail is Peter Simpson - Howe Boys Me - Stephen Lennie sitting with hands over kneesnot sure who is to my right Same person to left as in first picture.



Bicycle rider is me - Stephen Lennie Laundry No. P6 as referred to in July
2008 issue.
not sure who is sitting



Just received these from Stephen Lennie - Howe 64 - 69 - I remember his sister Margaret - maybe young Fred S might remember him too and know who the other folk are in pictures?

Saturday, August 09, 2008

...it is a Collingwood girl!...



...STOP PRESS: just in!...We will be very safe in Cardiff if we stay close to Carol!...This clever Collingwood girlie has just knotched up her Black Belt in Karate...Well done her eh!...

Must be a Collingwood Girl

A 90-year-old woman saw her dreams come true when she was served fish and chips by a man dressed only in a thong and a see-through apron.

The St Austell care home resident's fantasy was fulfilled by Cornwall Care, as part of its Make a Wish initiative.

The "dish of the day" was served by a male member of staff who volunteered to act as her waiter at Woodland House.

After the meal, the resident said: "I thoroughly enjoyed my fish and chips served by the half naked man."

'Pint and pasty'

The woman, who has not been named, said it had all been done in good taste.

"The care of our clients is our number one priority and fundamental to this is giving them choices and respecting their wishes as adults," a Cornwall Care spokesman said.

The care provider said its more typical requests were for a day out or a pint and a pasty.

"While it may have been a bit risque, the wish was carried out with the utmost respect for all those involved and taken in the good humoured way it was intended by residents and staff present at the time," the spokesman added.


Naturally someone has complained though and said the care home manager should be sacked..

Some folk enjoy an English summer

Click to enlarge.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Who remembers this?

http://writingcompany.blogs.com/this_isnt_writing_its_typ/files/bricklayers_lament.mov

Some days you're just up to your ass in work.


Thursday, August 07, 2008

08:08 08/08/08

Just ticked over here in Oz. If you were Chinese, you'd be really excited!

Hiraeth

When we get homesick - we sing about it..

Subterranean Homesick Blues



If you come from Lancashire, Lewisham or Luton it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever suffer from homesickness. However if you hail from Yorkshire, it’s a malady that can strike indiscriminately and at any moment. Today’s bout was brought about by a fleeting glimpse of a familiar silhouette in the distance on a Derbyshire river. I suddenly realised I hadn’t been home in over seven years!! One phone call was all it took to resolve and I’m booked in to The Angel Inn in Hetton for early next week. Like the Pope I suspect I’ll spend the first half an hour lying prostrate in a field kissing the Holy ground and after that it’s a skinfull of Theakstons……….