Thursday, July 31, 2008

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A nautical tale

A pirate went into a bar.
"Hello" Said the barman, "Haven't seen you in a long time, how are you?"
"I'm fine thanks" Replied the pirate.
"Well, I must say, you don't look so good - how'd you get the wooden leg?"
"Oh, that was in a battle at sea - I stopped a cannon ball with my leg!"
"And the hook?"
"That was a sword fight - my opponent cut my hand off with his sword."
"And what about the eye patch?"
"That happened early one morning. I came up on deck and looked up into the rigging and a seagull pooped in my eye."
"Wow! I had no idea seagull poop could blind you!"
"Well, it was my first day with the hook!"

An inspiration!

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all
could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is
to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to
see all things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house
this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a
bottle of Baileys, a bottle of vodka, a package of Pringles, the remainder of
Prozac and Valum prescribtions, the rest of the cheesescake and a box a
chocolates. Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.

Countryside Matters II

Today as part of our tour of summer agricultural shows our friend the cow is featured. Here winning prizes can be very important.


Alongside the mainstays of the industry many old breeds from our childhood and before can often be seen.

Including traditional longhorns.


The farmer explained that a ring through the nose isn’t in the least bit painful……

……….but Sebastian’s expression seemed to indicate different

Having said that most of the contestants seemed fairly contented.

Myrtle is an old hand and does most of the shows.

And this is one beauty pageant where even the boys get a look in.

……… and like the girls they too enjoy being pampered with a spray and brush-up…..

And if you thought back-combing was old hat you’d be surprised.

Having said that……. at the end of the day you can’t beat a well turned butt

Monday, July 28, 2008

If you had cycled a little further Paul,you could have got some very interesting pictures.

...for Paul...

...Victorian glass slide of Hornsey Pier, courtesy of a certain John Pybus, a photographer of the time...

Countryside matters.

One hundred years ago, shire horses were still the motive mainstay of agricultural life.

They were as popular as the Ford Focus

Today, most people have to go to an agricultural show to see them, where a small handful of enthusiasts still keep the old breeds alive for future generations to enjoy.

Preparation of these gentle giants is painstaking and in some cases simply means the application of a chamois leather.


In some cases, the horses get a good talking to, to ensure they are on their best behaviour

It’s one of the few places left where you can still see the judicious application of talcum-powder


Then of course there are the all important finishing touches.

...folly or no folly...

...Pier Towers: yep, even Withernsea had one!...

Sunday, July 27, 2008

...and later that year...

...they came to some agreement...

Romans go home




As you say Bob - this Latin is easy....

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Not a good look.

The pilot is an ex-Skyhawk fighter pilot, flying off aircraft carriers in the Oz navy. He is probably cringing at the fiction the media is publishing about this. Yes, it was serious - and potentially more so - but as a pilot I've never had much respect for media reporting on these types of events. CNN interviewed a passnger who was really calm and seemed as if nothing bothered him during the experience, but the lady reporter was trying her very best to get him to say it was scary or that he thought he was going to die.
My money is on the crew. They didn't know the specific damage, but they went through the emergency checklist, descended to 10 thousand and diverted. Could have been worse, but I think I'll wait for the investigation to tell me what the actual cause was. In 40 years of flying, I've never seen the media get it right on their own.
All this while Qantas engineers are lobbying the airline for better maintenance standards.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Not great tits but young tits!


Now the warmer weather is here it’s a good time to see a variety of tits.

For all youYorkie boys and cricketers

Surely the Sport statement of all time today in "Torygraph" -Daily Telegraph for all you Sun readers. GEOFF BOYCOTT says the "England team must swallow their ego's".
Pot,Kettle ,Blacketc. comes immediately to mind. Possibly the same kettle he brews his famous tea in. Eh up lads

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

There’s something I love about old tractors….

…..for some strange reason they remind me of women. No jokes about tickling carburettors please.

Warm Feelings

Its getting down to freezing point downunder, with snow on the hills behind Canberra and ice on the grass. It took the BBC to cheer me up!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Strictly PC

Paddy took a job painting the yellow lines down the side of the road. On his first day, he managed five miles of shining, new yellow ribom. On the second, three miles, The third day saw only one mile of new line. Paddy was called into the foreman's office.

"First," Said the foreman, "You're doing a crackin' job on average. Your first three days and three miles a day. That's not bad by any standard. However, I'm a bit concerned that you started so well and things are tapering off. Is there a reason?"

"Well," Replied Paddy, "As aych day passes, Oim gerrin' furder an' furder away frum da paint bookit!"

Friday, July 18, 2008

pas de boulangerie........c'est fermee!


As requested......sadly the boulangerie was closed on this day!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

...PC or not PC...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN! DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
11. It's not his CRACK you see hanging out of his pants - it's his MALE CLEAVAGE.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


Thought for the day.........

'Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered
by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an
unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it
is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.'

The early bird catches..............

How can this be? Surely I've not beaten you all to the post(ing) today? Did St. Swithen get it wrong again? Are you all under water? It's a lovely day in the colonies (just past 6am here). Jen's just taking daughter Kate and grandee Penelope to the airport. They're heading back to New Orleans today. Grandee Quinn is staying with us for a couple more weeks - he's 11 now (God, seems like only a couple of weeks ago he was a small one and now he's a great strapping lad). He's still the only person I know who can actually ride a unicycle. Can't remember whether I've mentioned this (age?) but there's a boulangerie near where he lives in New Orleans and he heads off on this steed, to return shortly thereafter with a baguette tucked under each arm. It's quite a traffic stopper!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

...40 days and 40 nights!...

'St Swithin’s Day, if it does rain
Full forty days, it will remain
St Swithin’s Day, if it be fair
For forty days, t'will rain no more.'

Petrol money


We are getting quite expensive for fuel here in 'Ull. This gets one about five gallons of diesel at the moment.

Yorkshire tea again.

Hey up Alex. Get yourself down to Tesco,they are selling Yorkshire tea bags,240 for the price of 160.

Hooray!!!!

All I've got to do now is to get him to take a job and my money is my own… or isn’t it as simple as that?

Sorry! No little white bulls..........

......I've only white goods and horses at the moment.

Monday, July 14, 2008

For Paul - The Ferris Wheel by The Everly Brothers

Sorry, no video, but I hope this is the song you meant.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

...in the absence of YouTube...

...looks like we'll have to resort to other visual entertainment then, I suppose...just like the Victorians sans TV! :)