Monday, April 28, 2008
Latest state of play in the home land.
Good old British Beer now £2:50 a pint =£20 per gallon.
Priorities still in order Petrol £5:20 per Imperial gallon.
Price for plastic bags at the supermarket threatened to be 5 pence per bag as of 1st May.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
In the theme of images avian, meet my fleeting friend from this morning. I had risen early to snap the mass balloon launch across the lake in front of Parl. House. But there was fog. Thick fog. A trip up Black Mountain saw me looking down on the fog covering all of Canberra, and looking up at a King Parrot chuckling at me. So in the absence of a balloon, he becomes my aeronautical pic of the day.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The Pope said I have waited along while to talk to you two B- - - - - ds!!
Gordon being as chatty as possible said it is an honour to meet you. Bush nodde to Gordon and agreed.
Gordon followed up saying "I expect you met my pal Tony also?"
The Pope said . Hmm yes another of you B---dy B's!!
His first confession is the longest I have ever had to sit thru.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I have seen on the old fashion communication board (TWA) a message suggesting Southern folk visit your Benelux area.( Posted 15th April.)
There is a possibilty this Deep South person will need to visit Benelux on a fund seeking trip (Work)
If it is acceptable to you in €uro habitats we could meet up for a Spa water ,roll mop met frites zonder mayo:
This trip will be after "victory" visit to North London -Wembley.
Then you could hear the whole 90 minutes kick by kick all over again, should you desire?
Where in the flat lands is a suitable venue for you?
My visit when confirmed possibly takes in Antwerpen,Den Haag,Vlissingen,Bergen op Zoom, any of these close. Last 2 weeks of May 2008.
Goed a reizen--AUB
Friday, April 18, 2008
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
As Ben Franklin said: "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in faeces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of pooh.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Pooh, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of, s h ONE t . This valuable information: It is sent as a public service.
Bon Weekend to all you Cavaliers where ever you are in the big wide world.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said,
"Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in the future?"
"Why?" Paddy asked.
"Because,” said Mick, “All the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday!" "Silly buggers!” Replied Paddy, “The laughs on them………… I wasn't home yesterday!!"
The first man had married a woman from
The second man had married a woman from
The third man had married a beautiful girl from
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
!5th of April deserves another mention. 'Twas this day 36 years ago that Jen and I married.
Not a lot of people - apparently including our progeny - know that!
An aircraft will kill you quick. . . a woman takes her time.
Aircraft like to do it inverted.
Aircraft can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
An aircraft does not get mad if you ‘touch and go.’
An aircraft does not object to a pre-flight inspection.
Aircraft come with manuals.
Aircraft have strict weight and balance limits.
You can fly an aircraft any time of the month.
Aircraft don’t have parents.
Aircraft don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
Aircraft don’t care about how many other aircraft you have flown.
When flying, you and your aircraft both arrive at the same time.
Aircraft don’t mind if you look at other aircraft.
Aircraft don’t mind if you buy aircraft magazines.
Aircraft require mandatory servicing.
It’s always OK to use tie-downs on your aircraft.
Monday, April 14, 2008
about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch.The engaged woman said, “The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me in a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my life. I love you." Then we made love all night.” The mistress said, “Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, a mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.” The married woman said, “I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
I rear-ended the car in front of me. I admit that. It was my fault.
So, we both pull over to the side of the road, and slowly the driver of
the car I hit gets out of his car. . . and you know how you
just-get-sooo-stressed... and life... sometimes life seems like... suddenly
Well, the driver of the car I hit is a DWARF!
He gets out of his car and I get out of my car.
He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close
to me, he looks up in my face and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
And I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I look down at him
and I said, "Well, if you're not Happy -- which one are you?"
. . . . and that's when the fight started...!
Thinking 'theres no 'arm in that', the Bishop asked,"How will you ring the bells?"
"Come with me" Replied the man and led the way up to the belfry.
He ran across the belfry floor and struck the carillon with the side of his head. Running about, he struck each bell in the same manner. The tone was superb. People gathered in the street below, stunned at hearing such clarity. The man lined up again on the carillon, ran at it, missed completely and flew out of the belfry, falling to his death on the street below.
The Bishop rushed down the narrow staircase and out into the street. He bent over the unfortunate man and someone from the crowd asked, "Who was he?". The Bishop sighed and replied, "I've no idea...........but his face certainly rings a bell!"
The following day, there was a knock on the Bishop's door at Notre Dame. In came the brother of the man with no arms, begging to be considered in his stead. Up to the belfry they went and the brother sized up the carillon, raised a large hammer over his head to strike it and fell to the belfry floor, dead.
"Oh God!" Cried the Bishop. A cannon heard him and rushed to see what had happened.
"Did you know this man?" He asked.
"No" Replied the Bishop.........."But he is a dead ringer for his brother!"
Four weeks later their boss remarked, 'You're all working very hard, I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our Admin girls has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?' The cannibals all shook their heads indicating 'No'.
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, 'Which one of you idiots ate the Admin chick?'
A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, 'You fool!!!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and Supervisors and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!!!!'
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
…..and of course there are the lambs…
Monday, April 07, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Friday, April 04, 2008
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass...and no cheating!
Check your answers below.
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) 116 years
3) Sheep and Horses
5) Squirrel fur
9) New Zealand
10) Orange (of course!)
What do you mean, you failed?... :)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
An eccentric friend of my folks was Freddie Connolly. A rubber planter, he and his family lived in a stockade outside Kaula Lumpur in the early/mid '50s. Terrorist activity meant that there was an armed guard 24/7. Freddie came acrosss a yellow and black Austin Ruby in the jungle, found it belonged to the chief of a nearby campong - who had retired it in favour of a new Austin Cambridge. Freddie hauled the thing to his stockade, cleaned it up and got it running (magneto ignition, not difficult if all the bits were there) and was thereafter often to be seen, resplendent in period boater and with his sten gun on the seat beside him, driving this splendid old car with its top down. It was very loud and he could be heard coming from quite a distance.
In the early 70s, a very pregnant Jen and I took a camping holiday in the Lake District. We spent most of it shrouded in mist, studying ordnance survey maps and trying to imagine what the surrounding scenery might have been like. One camp site we visited only for as long as it took Jen to pee.......in a loo in the large old barn. A cow stuck its head over the adjoining wall and scared the doo doo out of her....and we found another campsite. Anyway, in our VW 1300, loaded with camping gear, we headed for Hardknott and Wrynose passes been there in years but at the time the road was wide enough for one car and with passing lay-bys every now and then. Our VW REALLY struggled with the 33% odd gradient and, at one point, I even resorted to reversing up. Between the two passes is a pub (I don't recall the name). We stopped for refreshment and, on this occasion, the sun was out and the scenery was magnificent. I was absolutely gobsmacked when several Austin Sevens appeared over the top of the pass, having apparently made the climb without resorting to reverse!
Have a history teacher explain this--if they can?
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.!!
Did a lot a people know that?
The River Dove seemed like a good place to start as it’s constantly stocked with trout to humour the idle rich. Sure enough after half an hour, I found one gazing into the river waiting for some unsuspecting trout to make the wrong move.