Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
On a trip to town with my best pal we set off on what then was an epic adventure.London 80 miles away - non motor way days. We pull in for petrol and very importantly say fill her up my good man.This before self service.
Heavy conversation between me and my pal.The man ask for the money and he returns with the change and receipt.So we prepare to head off to the big city and lights.When I look at the dashboard the petrol gauge is on Zero.So I am not impress and toot the horn.The man returns and says what is the problem. So i rather abruptly tell him I have paid up but you my good man have not filled up , look at the gauge if you don't believe me.
He looks blank and says not a word in his defence,but puts his hand thru the open quarter light and "TURNS THE KEY".Whoops the car is full , gauge has zoomed to full. Engine rev's wheels burn rubber and we are off and away.Face still goes a little red when ever I pass this garge.
Some memories are am embarassment!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The actor died in his sleep at a nursing home in Hertfordshire, after suffering ill health in recent weeks.
He was best known for playing war veteran Foggy who, with his friends Cleggy and Compo, embarked on a series of escapades around the Yorkshire moors in Last of the Summer Wine.He appeared in more than 100 episodes of the BBC comedy between 1976 and 1997. Mr Wilde’s first major role came in 1973 alongside Ronnie Barker in Porridge, another of the BBC’s best-loved programmes, as the ineffectual prison officer Mr Barrowclough.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Scientists at universities in Plymouth and Durham analysed data on all English league clubs since World War II and found home teams in red won more often.
Players in yellow or orange shirts had the worst record but performances away from home did not show any differences.
Researchers believe there could be a psychological boost in wearing red.
They said the crimson shade is often associated with male aggression and dominance.
Professor Robert Barton, from Durham University, said: "We see a couple of possible explanations.
"Firstly, over time supporters may have been subconsciously more attracted to a club wearing red, so the club has developed an increasing resource base within its community.
"Secondly, there may be a positive psychological boost from wearing red that is reflected on the field of play.
"Competing against a team in red could also impair performance."
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Just though I would send this image of the workman's Portaloo that currently stands in the street outside my home. It was delivered some weeks ago when my downstairs loo was taken out and the workmen had no where to go. It arrived without my knowledge and has since moved four times, once with the gales when it was blown ten feet finishing up in the middle of the road on its side! The workmen do not seem to get the position right (!) and it has, over the weeks myseriously moved from the front to the corner and now to the side of the hedge. I have never witnessed these movements so have named the box ................wait for it......................The Turdis. All comments, wisecracks and jokes will be gratefully received.....Feel free.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Here we are again at Gamston - and the lovely Jack fooled us all by not wearing pink - but good old Barrie Paice did! The lady in the picture was wife of a Plönite - think she was bit overwhelmed by it all - not even an Army Brat! With Jack is Bernie - Lois's significant other!
Monday, March 03, 2008
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered.
He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.
Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, ‘I´ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 – on one condition.’
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The young man replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’
The woman considered his proposition for a minute, then slowly removed from her purse a $20 bill, which she pressed into the young man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly, meaningfully whispered….
‘Clean my house.’
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, ‘It´s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.’ Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, ‘Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.’ He continued, ‘Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife.
She wanted to know how to use a rectal termomether.
And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!’
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read:
‘The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started.’
So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished… and before coming to work this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey’s, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, my prozac, some valium, my cigarettes and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freakin good I feel…